The distortion of reality starts where?




When was the first time I constricted within my hips, pulled them in, suppressed the movement of myself through holding this in?

Is the starting point wanting to be with someone, just be with, not love, but just be with?

was it within playing the violin, where i believed that if I let myself out I would be attacked? that moment where I held myself in while performing, and the playing I was doing outside of myself, only allowing a part of myself to be there, and it ended up being like  projection of myself to hide, a presentation to protect myself, the choice I made to protect myself in this world, without having to show myself because I thought myself unworthy,, because I thought the world does not want who I am, a protection and defense. when I have to be here in totality to step forward, to become one and equal to here, in common sense of what is actually physically happening.

when do I go into this suppression, where did I go with my thoughts, this desire for sex, this suppression of sexuality, how have I distorted this, how have I concentrated myself into this only, wearing this like a “how I am supposed to be”  “something to entertain myself with” “ something-like a role in which I become the part as the model of how i am supposed to be” done in accord with a picture instead of as a “pure” expression of myself here, a “natural” expression in simple sensual communication.

Is the sensual dirty, and would this sensual, if allowed, really be dirty, as the sensual is what allows enjoyment of this actual physical world, where when I played if I became too sensual it would disturb the listener, where women are not allowed to be this, as being sensual, a man is allowed this expression, yet a woman is not, and when the woman does this, it is either demure or aggressive, and have I allowed this gentleness within sexuality to be what  am when I am intimate with a man, only  which is why the men want to keep this under lock and key, as a place to be themselves outside of the projected performer/persona used to face the outer world?

Is this why I have projected this onto men, because this is the place where i am the sensual, and then I make this big, and seek it, to place it in a box, where I then spend so much time creating a scenario where I can open my box whenever I want, organized self expression allowance?

but this allowance of the sensual in sexuality only, is not myself being here as myself one and equal in and as the physical.

So is it that I place this into a box, a scenario, and then hold it within the rest of the time as I have not been taught or allowed to be common sense within the norm ( normal) communication and interaction within this world, I mean the children in kindergarten up to second grade would come and hug me, and I had to turn my body to the side and try to keep a distance because it might be considered perverse to accept that simple physical expression from that child, where I was not allowed to take this, so consequently, as the child enters the adult world, this simple physical expression, of a hug, is suppressed, and then there are images all over this planet suggesting sexuality, so this simply physical “thank you for being here” expression, of a “touching base with the environment – so to speak- as animals do” is not allowed, is suppressed, is shut down, is denied, and then associated with sex, thus a perverse sexuality is developed, where this natural desire to physically simply show affection is not allowed, and then directed within and through prepubescent children wearing underwear and being half naked on a picture on the street and in magazines and in pop music, where sensuality is “ pressed into” an idea of “fucking innosense” – miss spelling intended.

So, the real crime here, is to not allow children this natural expression, and to associate this with the act of fucking, to stop this natural sensual touching/interacting with another, a teacher, where the physical self simply “hugs” and then moves on. This is shut down, and then in the third grade this happens no more, the distance has been built. the sensual shut down, having been labeled as dirty, as unacceptable, because the minds of the adults all around are associating this with pornographic sex. As the adults are actually suppressing their own sensuality, as they learned as children, always thinking that physical affection means sex – as that ad of a naked girl barely past 14 is plastered all over the street, and the magazines, rendering the natural expression as being sensual, as being in sense with the environment, is considered dirty. I mean what the fuck, the perversion here is not the child expressing themselves, the perversion is the adult suggesting a need to disallow this natural interaction because it is suggestive of sex. It is an act of impulsing, of directing through suggestion. it is an act of shuting down common sense. Unacceptable. That which enables a child to see this world, is that which is shut down.

So, within myself, this was shut down as well, which I accepted and allowed.

It is not that that telling a story is bad, it is the story being told again and again through the suggestive imagery placed on this world, where the story telling is a protection and defense of the system, this hierarchy of more than and less than. What if the story were of how this actual physical world functions? What if the stories, as pictures placed on this world, were of how this world works? Where common sense were what was the story told?  TIme to stop the distortion of reality, and see this actual physical world.

I mean if pictures can influence us to the extent that what is pictured in this planet, as any investigation into advertising will do, then the MO to clean up the abuse on this earth is to change the information and knowledge into and as pictures and words that support and consider all life. It really is that simple. And all it takes is the same hands that placed the existent pictures!


The Century of Self : Part 1 Happiness Machines


The Trap

The Power Principle

Human Resources: Social Engineering in the 20th Century

Catastroika – Greek Documentary

The Marketing of Madness



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The compounds are the division of separation, this we do to our children.

We teach our children compound imagery instead of realizing the very substance of this physical world. The twist here is that the compound imagery is of a division of that substance into parts- as limited values only, not in consideration of the totality of the forms prevalent on earth that compose the organism of life. Thus we limit insight and understanding of all existent and within this withholding, imagery based on limited ideology is asked to be followed as ideas of more than and less than before self realization.

Looking at the media, we can see this made huge; the personas of the supposedly “perfect woman” or the “perfect male” and the “perfect car.” It is like we are running after images instead of realizing how that car was made, designed, constructed. The desire is developed, as belief to have that car, those accouterments to create the image and likeness of that Ken Doll or that GIJoe doll. Within this, everything else is considered less than. AND, there is no understanding of how all of this was composed in the first place.

Thus, children are forced to take on compound images/symbols without any understanding of what is here. Now if there is no real understanding there is no real stability, as the lack of understanding brings a lack of dialogue into the communication about this world. A perfect breeding ground for leaders and followers, and the leaders begin to, like organic robots, to be what they have repeated again and again, they have become comfortable with the game and end up seeing nothing but this, and the dialogue allowed is only what supports this, as this is all that is seen. This is how bullying comes about, the compound image unable to see the separation from life, and only registering what maintains the idea of self as the non-understanding of the compound image. And all the images as the memories, as the thoughts , emotions and feelings are the compounds as the separations made polar driving the behavior, they themselves not understood.

Imagine a child having to answer to these compound images? Trying to realize the assumptions behind the image, when they have not even understood themselves as life. They come into this world as the substance of life, and are forced to accept compound ideas as division, as division is a compound in being a separation into parts, where this is what is seen, and not the whole. Do we even have the ability as adults to conceptualize this and understand this? Or, will this take some self realization to fully comprehend? Yes, I know, it is messed up.

To many, this may become so overwhelming that taking this on and moving is extremely difficult. Yes , this is like reversing the “lens” of self back into the physical as directive, removing the window pain/pane of the mind as directive. Which is revealing as to how this life is in reverse. Wake up. Desteni is showing you how. Join us.

What really gets me lately, is that the system of laws within this nation, actually make a contract with people experiencing the abuse of systemic grabbing of resource, to not speak publicly about a pay off. The losers win some money and take the money to survive, as they cannot comprehend the compound laws. EVentually they begin to see the whole, but then there was this document where a signature was given to not speak. Sounds like there is understanding that the human is perfectly capable of . Even thought it is slow and probably impossible for most in the heat of the storm of abuse, where everything moves fast to never allow a dialogue of understanding to exist.

So, it is that the same thing is happening that happened as children facing adults moving within ideas as compound images negligent of realizing the very substance of life, and its walk to having created the things existent on earth. The images come to direct and not what is the very composing force in all.

How can a system really tell someone they cannot talk about past events. Especially when that document does not reveal the whole scenario? Is there a switch from the collective to the singular on this document, which means that both must always be considered at every point, and if – at any point- something was left out it is a lie and thus the whole situation is rendered defunct/false/ an ill league of common sense. And don’t the laws of this country say that the people as the governing body can change what is here when it does not support the common good “for the people” where the common good for the people is absolute maintenance of what is physical, as this is what supports life!

This would mean that any suffering and abuse existent on this earth cannot be written into any laws, as the lack of consideration means the common good has not been supported, thus there is no law or document that is valid that says some one cannot talk, speak up about events, especially if they are harmful in any way.

And within this, since all were children at one time, and not educated to understand themselves and what is the total composition of what is here, in detail, and not only as compound imagery, then what behaviors any person exhibits is the cause of this lack of dialogue with an understanding of the total substance of what is here. Thus to deny any person the requirements of life, and the ability to self realize, is a crime against life, and the same exact behavior of ignorance of the totality of existence here. Thus all must be forgiven, and reorganized to support life, where what exists cannot be allowed, nor blamed for what it is, as what is here has not been taught to understand life.

Here come the belief that “life” cannot be understood. Well if life cannot be understood, as well then, there cannot be any judgement of the behaviors of people being poor, or stupid, or what ever judgement given as that person is not allowed what sustains life, if we do not understand life, then we must take care of what is here regardless. TO decide one cannot understand in one situation and then suggest they have understanding in another makes no sense, one either has understanding of all existent in totality, absolutely, or there can be no claim of understanding. As simple as that. Throw your tantrum, there is no way out of this. And bullying and saying that is the way it is, is just the fear of your own greed not wanting to admit itself as what you are. Raw, ignorant, greed. This the very reason why abuse exists on this earth. Thus the real cause is a behavior not wanting to admit itself as the cause of what is here.

Yet even this, as what this person is, is in fear, total fear. As this separation from life, causes insecurity where greed is the behavior of this insecurity. Remove this, accept this actual physical world as what is real, equalize self to this physical world, as the separation, as the problem, is solved.

Slow down and breath, and realize the thoughts, emotions and feelings are the division of self into separation creating a compound of ignorance of life as polarities of more than and less than on a world where support if given freely as it has not signature of ownership.

Take the FREE course offered by Desteni to AT LEAST begin to see your emotions and feelings for what they are, the voices of separation from the substance of self as life, the compounds of thoughts impulsed by a desire as a belief in more than and less than, where this world is really a place of heaven, of a dialogue of life in communication in being, simply being here, becoming aware of self as life, to walk through the eye of the needle, having become, equal and one to and as life, here. There is no greater gift and life is more than willing to share.

Desteni Lite

Walk the journey to life:

Creation’s Journey to Life

Heaven”s Journey To Life

Earth’s Journey To Life


Interviews to bring self back into the physical, to correct the lens of self into and as life, here.

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Remain within the text

I am researching something I am attempting to do, and I realize as I peruse the internet sites that I become reactive while reading the pros and the cons presented within my situation.
I have to read without emotion, and look at the words without judgement, without association to my own desires, meaning what I want to find, what I want to be the truth within what I am reading.
I encounter the people within an industry presenting a lot of scare tactics, as their livelihoods are dependent on one venue, and the addition of another takes this away.
I react emotionally within when I face these scare tactics, that I must stand back from and investigate as they may be valid.
But the alternative has support, and it seems to be growing because of the economy, thus there are in fact situations, as I have talked with people, where the alternative works, despite what others are saying.
But this is about my own reactions.
When working with children reading a text, one of the things that is told to the child is to only work with what is presented in answering the questions, do not bring in any ideas about the topic that you have from experiences and add them to what is given within the text. One can say this to a child, but often they will become confused and end up doing this. Sometimes they get it right away and realize this makes the whole process easier.
But I realize within my own situation here, how much I want to project my own desires and fears onto what I am reading. I have to slow down and reread objectively, just as I have said to children. So many emotions are spinning around that have nothing to do with what I am reading and investigating.
I read one of the journey to life blogs today, and this blog was about this same kind of emotional add-on within talking with others. In this, talking with others is really no different than remaining within what is presented in a text. What is here, is what is real, in the moment, and the addition of emotions and feelings and thoughts are the desires, wants and needs of the individual, and the indication of a self interested agenda.
Thus, the addition of emotion and feelings can cloud what is actually here, and this is used to cloud what is here, to confuse, and it is all in the name of self interest, as protection and defense, as gain, a taking from Peter to pay Paul, I mean if we had a system of equality, then there would be no need to take, to be consumed with getting to survive, we would be here, with what is physically actually here.
In may ways the mind works like a program, the flood gates of emotion, thought and feeling open and close, turn on and off, and thus confuse and blind, scare and bully, manipulate and ignore what is actually physically here, and freely given at that. Thus with a consciousness of feelings, thoughts and emotions, as supports of beliefs and opinions and ideas built by a system of inequality played out as a game of survival and competition known as capitalism, we are adding onto what is here in the name of self interested survival, as what is here is freely given, and able to support us, it is only the divisions into ownership and the ensuing grasp of this that separates us from being here in common sense of what is physically here.
Any and all bullying, and reaction to this is ignoring this text of physical life, here. There is no way out of this. One can argue and bully and ignore, throw a tantrum, stomp a foot, but this is actual reality, not that belief in human nature. I mean, if we say to a child to remain within the context given, why are we , the adults not remaining within the text given? The text is this freely given physical world.
In a way, this simple practice taught, as not all education is necessarily bad, is not actually lived. And any emotions coming up within this are judgements in self interest. Thus, any destructive reaction in any way, such as war, is not actually working with what is here, it is a reaction of want, need and desire, to force an add on in self interest based on a belief that one needs more than another, and is because of this, separate from the physical freely giving physical text of life here as earth.
I realize, within this, that when I have an emotion come up, no matter what, within reading or interacting, I am no longer here, existing within the context of this physical world, as a land that bears no sign of ownership, realizing the ownership is a subjective placement on a context in self interest in separation from the nature of this physical world. This is the human not reading the text but placing other subjects onto the text and thus this is separation from here. This subjective addition is ignorance of life, abuse of life, suppression of life, and missing the text of life as this physical world. lol, but there is no way out of this simple reality. Thus all acts against this are criminal. Period.
Any reactions, or additions, as emotion, feeling and thought I place within an interaction, be it reading or conversing, are crimes against life, are bullying, are suppressing of myself as life and all life, realizing what is here.
If these emotions , thoughts and feelings, are made resonantly HUGE within us, imagine what happens? Do we lose depth perception? Do we lose spatial ability? Do we lose conceptaul ability of this physical world? Do we become consumed by the subjective resonance and separate from what is here to the point where we can no longer see what is actually physically here? And would this seem to be of no sense to the huge resonance that has consumed sense as emotions , thought and feelings that believe their subjective truths to be all that there is? Try to imagine that for a moment. I mean, we all know that what television broadcasts is not productive, thus why is this not possible as what we have become? Obviously we are ignoring something, because this physical world is being ignored by the very fact that is is becoming increasingly toxic from in-consideration of subjective self interest as profit ONLY instead of actual equal awareness of the real text that is here, earth. A freely giving earth at that, no subjective label needed.
Within this, unacceptable behaviors are a by product of this subjective separation, a deviation into the subjective, self interested illusory world that is not here remaining within the context of the physical. So, we are all to blame for what behaviors exist within this world, as we support and allow this additional self interested judgment onto a physical world that has the answer right here in front of our eyes as how it is by nature, freely given without the signature of ownership to support all life, as life is the value, and what we all are equally.
It is time to take this text that is the physical world, use the tool of money – as it is what is here in place- use this to distribute what is here equally to support what is the real value, life, to bring ourselves back here to what is real, equalize ourselves to this and stop feeding the energetic-consuming-separation into and as consciousness as mind as manifested through reactions as emotions, thoughts and feelings made huge as a subjective addition placed onto this physical reality, as this is what is constant and remains even when we are dead, evident in that no ownership is taken into death, as this text cannot be owned unless we allow the illusion of this to be placed subjectively in self interest and ignorance on what is freely given.

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Equal Money Research: No more Children on the Street in an Equal Money System

Equal Money Research: No more Children on the Street in an Equal Money System.

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We Don’t Know how to do That.

We don’t know how to do that.
We all have had days where a song keeps popping up in and as our minds. We can;t seem to get this song out of our heads. How and why does this happen? And if we look at this what does this tell us?
What if everything you have ever believed or thought indicates some obsession possessing you and what is behind this? Is this repetition indicating an irresolute presence? Is this repitition unfinished understanding, is this possession really a possession of discord.
This indicates, besides it being the presence of something that is not whole – like a broken and separate fragment of self echoing itself in its own lostness as not knowing where to go- that things are imbedded within and as us and we do not understand how they are consuming us, and all we can see is the consumption and not the totality of the thing consuming and that we are consumed.

I was in a masters course for reading. I kept asking the question as to why there was no spatial development within the process being taught. The teachers/professors started to become angry with me. They called me into a meeting. I sat in a room with them and they then said that I was not understanding what was being taught. I went into spewing the language “mode”. I recited everything they had taught me. I had to learn the lingo, this I knew.
I could see them visibly relax. They did not question me further. I kept asking my question until finally, one of them looked at me and said, “ We do not know how to do that.”
All that just to answer the question. I was angry, yet this was not an option, not a choice, even though I myself did not know where to go.
My elbows are beginning to hurt. They have been for this last week. Choice. Fuck.
In the schools, children would just stare in a blank way sometimes when I worked with them. For some reason this image remains, like a song repeating, only this one is contained within an image. An image “song.” If I apply what I said above then this means this is unresolved. Would the unresolved remain, as I have not found solution? This image is unresolved and thus indicative of myself not having walked through this fixed obvious non development, inaction as the blankness of this child, who had a hard time understanding.
And what does this have to do with choice?
I believe that I must make decision, and as what is best for all is best for self, there really are no choices. Everything is here, all that is needed. I am not existing as what is the only choice and instead I am believing there is a choice. Just as with these teacher/professors, I was confronted with a choice of “accept what we are saying and don’t go beyond this”, yet there is no other choice but to “go beyond this.”
And this means facing many emotional, self righteous-within knowledge and information- self definition that has not included what-it-does-not-know, as all that there is.
In elementary school, one knows if one can “hold” a classroom, as a student teacher, is when the main teacher walks from the room the children do not react at the absence of the main teacher. I noticed this when I was first in the class. A few days before I was to leave, as I had finished my time, the teacher walked from the room. The children remained calm and kept their eyes on me. At this moment I realized they felt secure with me, at ease.
But if I apply the same “standing back and looking at more than the reaction that would suggest that I had gained the children’s acceptance, and said, “ why do these children need this sense of security within an object instead of being secure and autonomous within and as themselves?”
Why are they not comfortable within the very space of existence here?
Is there a connection between this behavior and that child that stared into space and could not take in a simple lesson? Was this looking without for support the actual separation? It is not that this is bad, we are all here working being together, and this interaction between men is necessary. Yet, why the development, or the nondevelopment of 1. as the action prevalent of being uneasy without the teacher and 2. the absence of ease as the development of self directing within every moment? I mean where I live, the structures of society for these children, really have basic needs met. So, obviously there is psychological abuse going on, or these children would not be uneasy when the environment changes, or that it takes time to become at ease.
To say the least, it was daunting to stand in front of these professors, but I did not really respect them and I was angry, and my own survival was at stake. I told them what they wanted to hear, and yet I was squirming inside, as what I was saying was not what I wanted to say, as I said what I knew they wanted to hear. I had to project what they wanted and “give up” my question.
So, quests outside the unanswered questions of the establishment are not wanted. Which is insanity.
And we all know this, and it is unacceptable, as we think in a bubble our survival is based on the limitation, when it is the maintenance of the limitation within singular survival that is what is slowly and inevitably leading us into not surviving, The catch 22. Thus there is no choice but the choice to stand as what is best for all, to answer the questions, to remove the “song” of them from relentless resounding as an image, voice, song in and as our minds. Our own irresolutions. Our own angers as ire as endgame as fear. We are the atmosphere ( at most fear), here on earth. And this atmosphere is being poisoned with the actions we know are limited and non developing of life, polluting the air and the water and the soil as we move in our fear of survival in limited self interest clinging to relationships instead of being ourselves as life, at ease here.
Our children should be at ease on this earth, and not clinging to objects for support. We are not teaching them to be comfortable as life, as the value that they are. We are teaching then to cling to relationships, to accept relationships where certain questions are not allowed to be asked, and where the supposed authorities become emotional and then judgmental within their emotions instead of looking at the fucking question and doing what ever is necessary to answer the question.
How have we become a reactive demonic expression in relation to questions we are choosing not to answer? And is this behavior we want to model for our children? This kind of behavior is actually what is being shown, and thus taught to our children, this endgame, where the realization and acceptance of a question not being answered, and hidden behind judgment and finger pointing and accusation is really the fear manifest as it blatantly show us that we are not in fact developing any spatial sense or ability within our children and only teaching them to cling to relationships for support. This must stop.
Yet, a profit based system, where the law is to make a profit would perpetuate this, knowing full well what it is allowing, evident in the behaviors in the people as the professors not wanting to look in fear of losing something, when all that would be lost is the relationship as idea, and not in action if everyone stood up. A profit based system would want relationships to be believed as the support, the only existential support. A profit based system would want the development of a belief that there is only ease when there is a relationship to an exterior object without the development of autonomous self direction, where the child realized self direction was the real support and thus awareness of this physical world and how it functions in common sense, the child should have the confidence to realize and be self direction and awareness, at ease with self within this.
How much do our teachers move into emotional reactive behaviors when confronted with a question they cannot answer, and instead of -even saying- I don’t know- and thus admitting that something is not being looked at, and even judging someone as “not getting it” just because they are asking a question that has not been answered and, as we see above, must be answered as the state of existence without the solution to the question, has created the expression of supposed “ease” as an angle of repose ONLY, based on conditions and not ease based on self direction.
It is also, so easy for myself to become that which I complain about here. This character of anger is a “song” in and as me. Non directive. Irr-e-solut i on, meaning me in ire energy as an endgame solution I am on, and not myself actually being a solution, and the behaviors in and as my “inner drama” are of emotional tantrums, wanting to kick and scream, blame and spite, accuse and drive the nail in as an act of crucifixion, just as the word has the cross as the x within and as it, the picture as the words telling the story with the outcome manifest in pictograph. Hieroglyphics. Interesting how in fourth grade, when the children are obviously already in need of relationships within the system, without any ease of self direction, the “unit” of Egypt is taught, with the graph of the hierarchy within the Egyptian period of pharaohs and nobles and slaves etc. The layers of submission.
A profit based system promotes this. It is a choice of control and not the choice of the value of life. It has to or it would not survive, yet it will not survive, as it does not consider life, and instead constricts and limits, shuts down through non development of self directed common sense, a spatial sense of the totality of what is actually here and the ease as life, as the capacity of life as what we are, to exist here.
It really is time to wake up. There is no other choice but to ask the question, “where is the sense of ourselves, spatially, as life in what is being taught?” Why are we being taught to only see the notes, and not the spaces in between? What is this space in between? Could the development of this help us move with ease in and as this world, and would not this development help us to sense how we are in fact all life and thus enable us to realize that the hierarchy is the separation?

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a widows journey to life: Day 85 After the death of my husband

a widows journey to life: Day 85 After the death of my husband.

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Day 18: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 2

Day 18: International Crime Research – Child Pornography Part 2.

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a widows journey to life: Day 63 walking the ordinary

a widows journey to life: Day 63 walking the ordinary.

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a widows journey to life: Day 62 Comparison is a bubble of separation

a widows journey to life: Day 62 Comparison is a bubble of separation.

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a widows journey to life: Day 60 I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to believe in love.

a widows journey to life: Day 60 I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to believe in love..

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