We don’t know how to do that.
We all have had days where a song keeps popping up in and as our minds. We can;t seem to get this song out of our heads. How and why does this happen? And if we look at this what does this tell us?
What if everything you have ever believed or thought indicates some obsession possessing you and what is behind this? Is this repetition indicating an irresolute presence? Is this repitition unfinished understanding, is this possession really a possession of discord.
This indicates, besides it being the presence of something that is not whole – like a broken and separate fragment of self echoing itself in its own lostness as not knowing where to go- that things are imbedded within and as us and we do not understand how they are consuming us, and all we can see is the consumption and not the totality of the thing consuming and that we are consumed.
I was in a masters course for reading. I kept asking the question as to why there was no spatial development within the process being taught. The teachers/professors started to become angry with me. They called me into a meeting. I sat in a room with them and they then said that I was not understanding what was being taught. I went into spewing the language “mode”. I recited everything they had taught me. I had to learn the lingo, this I knew.
I could see them visibly relax. They did not question me further. I kept asking my question until finally, one of them looked at me and said, “ We do not know how to do that.”
All that just to answer the question. I was angry, yet this was not an option, not a choice, even though I myself did not know where to go.
My elbows are beginning to hurt. They have been for this last week. Choice. Fuck.
In the schools, children would just stare in a blank way sometimes when I worked with them. For some reason this image remains, like a song repeating, only this one is contained within an image. An image “song.” If I apply what I said above then this means this is unresolved. Would the unresolved remain, as I have not found solution? This image is unresolved and thus indicative of myself not having walked through this fixed obvious non development, inaction as the blankness of this child, who had a hard time understanding.
And what does this have to do with choice?
I believe that I must make decision, and as what is best for all is best for self, there really are no choices. Everything is here, all that is needed. I am not existing as what is the only choice and instead I am believing there is a choice. Just as with these teacher/professors, I was confronted with a choice of “accept what we are saying and don’t go beyond this”, yet there is no other choice but to “go beyond this.”
And this means facing many emotional, self righteous-within knowledge and information- self definition that has not included what-it-does-not-know, as all that there is.
In elementary school, one knows if one can “hold” a classroom, as a student teacher, is when the main teacher walks from the room the children do not react at the absence of the main teacher. I noticed this when I was first in the class. A few days before I was to leave, as I had finished my time, the teacher walked from the room. The children remained calm and kept their eyes on me. At this moment I realized they felt secure with me, at ease.
But if I apply the same “standing back and looking at more than the reaction that would suggest that I had gained the children’s acceptance, and said, “ why do these children need this sense of security within an object instead of being secure and autonomous within and as themselves?”
Why are they not comfortable within the very space of existence here?
Is there a connection between this behavior and that child that stared into space and could not take in a simple lesson? Was this looking without for support the actual separation? It is not that this is bad, we are all here working being together, and this interaction between men is necessary. Yet, why the development, or the nondevelopment of 1. as the action prevalent of being uneasy without the teacher and 2. the absence of ease as the development of self directing within every moment? I mean where I live, the structures of society for these children, really have basic needs met. So, obviously there is psychological abuse going on, or these children would not be uneasy when the environment changes, or that it takes time to become at ease.
To say the least, it was daunting to stand in front of these professors, but I did not really respect them and I was angry, and my own survival was at stake. I told them what they wanted to hear, and yet I was squirming inside, as what I was saying was not what I wanted to say, as I said what I knew they wanted to hear. I had to project what they wanted and “give up” my question.
So, quests outside the unanswered questions of the establishment are not wanted. Which is insanity.
And we all know this, and it is unacceptable, as we think in a bubble our survival is based on the limitation, when it is the maintenance of the limitation within singular survival that is what is slowly and inevitably leading us into not surviving, The catch 22. Thus there is no choice but the choice to stand as what is best for all, to answer the questions, to remove the “song” of them from relentless resounding as an image, voice, song in and as our minds. Our own irresolutions. Our own angers as ire as endgame as fear. We are the atmosphere ( at most fear), here on earth. And this atmosphere is being poisoned with the actions we know are limited and non developing of life, polluting the air and the water and the soil as we move in our fear of survival in limited self interest clinging to relationships instead of being ourselves as life, at ease here.
Our children should be at ease on this earth, and not clinging to objects for support. We are not teaching them to be comfortable as life, as the value that they are. We are teaching then to cling to relationships, to accept relationships where certain questions are not allowed to be asked, and where the supposed authorities become emotional and then judgmental within their emotions instead of looking at the fucking question and doing what ever is necessary to answer the question.
How have we become a reactive demonic expression in relation to questions we are choosing not to answer? And is this behavior we want to model for our children? This kind of behavior is actually what is being shown, and thus taught to our children, this endgame, where the realization and acceptance of a question not being answered, and hidden behind judgment and finger pointing and accusation is really the fear manifest as it blatantly show us that we are not in fact developing any spatial sense or ability within our children and only teaching them to cling to relationships for support. This must stop.
Yet, a profit based system, where the law is to make a profit would perpetuate this, knowing full well what it is allowing, evident in the behaviors in the people as the professors not wanting to look in fear of losing something, when all that would be lost is the relationship as idea, and not in action if everyone stood up. A profit based system would want relationships to be believed as the support, the only existential support. A profit based system would want the development of a belief that there is only ease when there is a relationship to an exterior object without the development of autonomous self direction, where the child realized self direction was the real support and thus awareness of this physical world and how it functions in common sense, the child should have the confidence to realize and be self direction and awareness, at ease with self within this.
How much do our teachers move into emotional reactive behaviors when confronted with a question they cannot answer, and instead of -even saying- I don’t know- and thus admitting that something is not being looked at, and even judging someone as “not getting it” just because they are asking a question that has not been answered and, as we see above, must be answered as the state of existence without the solution to the question, has created the expression of supposed “ease” as an angle of repose ONLY, based on conditions and not ease based on self direction.
It is also, so easy for myself to become that which I complain about here. This character of anger is a “song” in and as me. Non directive. Irr-e-solut i on, meaning me in ire energy as an endgame solution I am on, and not myself actually being a solution, and the behaviors in and as my “inner drama” are of emotional tantrums, wanting to kick and scream, blame and spite, accuse and drive the nail in as an act of crucifixion, just as the word has the cross as the x within and as it, the picture as the words telling the story with the outcome manifest in pictograph. Hieroglyphics. Interesting how in fourth grade, when the children are obviously already in need of relationships within the system, without any ease of self direction, the “unit” of Egypt is taught, with the graph of the hierarchy within the Egyptian period of pharaohs and nobles and slaves etc. The layers of submission.
A profit based system promotes this. It is a choice of control and not the choice of the value of life. It has to or it would not survive, yet it will not survive, as it does not consider life, and instead constricts and limits, shuts down through non development of self directed common sense, a spatial sense of the totality of what is actually here and the ease as life, as the capacity of life as what we are, to exist here.
It really is time to wake up. There is no other choice but to ask the question, “where is the sense of ourselves, spatially, as life in what is being taught?” Why are we being taught to only see the notes, and not the spaces in between? What is this space in between? Could the development of this help us move with ease in and as this world, and would not this development help us to sense how we are in fact all life and thus enable us to realize that the hierarchy is the separation?