I have a memory of my self practicing authorship, practicing being an authority over some stuffed animals. And within this I separate from my self as life, and become ego, become a dictator, to direct the stuffed animals. I make the stuffed animals my objects. I have an emotion of self hate with this. I feel dirty and disgusted with my self, and I want to cry. I believe that this is the only way to be, this is what my mother wants me to be. This is paying homage to my mother who I am supposed to love. And ironically I hate my self for this. Because at this point, this moment, as a child,I realize that I am accepting the unacceptable. I am taking on an act that separates me from my self, I become dirt and therefor I am dirt, I am unworthy of being life, because in accepting the movement of my self as author – ity I and domineering, I am forcing, I am separating into a leader and a follow, objectifying my world and following the sign of being an author, where all focus is on the being of my self as this author ship.
Interesting, there are times I have had to lead an ensemble, or lead a group of people or lead a group of men. I had this sickening feeling, where I did not want to do this. This was a burden in a way, and frightened me because I had become responsible for these others, and really there was no way for me alone to decide what these others should be and do, the very act of deciding for another took away their ability to direct themselves, and taking someone’s ability to direct themselves eliminated life in full consideration. Life in full consideration is all of life being allowed self direction. How could something direct from afar? Just as our American soldiers are directing missile shooting war toys from the American continent on another continent, onto civilians, where they are so removed from awareness that they are shooting missiles onto people who have families just as they do, families that want food on the table, that want to see their children grow up and become self-perfected expressive human instruments of life. They are no different from us. Yet we have projected a story onto this world, we are a belief that we must author the lives of these people. This is dis-allowing full consideration of life, and authority cannot fully consider life, because it is too busy building a story as authorship, this is an act of separation from life, this is the dis-allowance of life. This authorship needs control of resource to maintain and pay for it ‘s authority, therefor it needs separation, it needs to divide and dis-allow. And the outcome is what has happened, these people on this other continent are dis-allowed life.
And the soldiers pushing the buttons in a remote location have allowed themselves to be authored, they have become separate from themselves as life. Here, there is no consideration because there is no allowance of life expression, that which can only exist when all become self responsible as life. Any system that denies this denies life, any system/authorship we allow and accept will only lead to an end product that dis-allows life.
I spoke with Bernard Greenhouse, a famous cellist, about performing in a quartet. He said that as long as there is ego within the performers the quartet will never create a sound that is truly engaging. In other words, one member of the quartet cannot dominate another, one member cannot want to author another. The four players must allow each expression to work in tandem with the expression of the group. Each player must consider the sound of all members and move in and as this, with this. In other words, to be engaged as life expression, there can be no ego, there can be no desire to author or dominate. It is the movement created as the sound, in equal meshing and consideration that is the being expression.
So in this memory, from my childhood I feel dirty, unworthy, disgusted with myself. I am following the sins of the fathers as practicing authorship, joining the game of survival, because a game of survival, of authoring is demanded by a system of profit in order to place food on the table. Food that is given in abundance by this physical world, because this physical world moves in full consideration of life, and we, the human, have taken this ability of ourselves as life ( this capacity to be full consideration in and as common sense) and separated ourselves into authors. We have imposed a system of authorship, dis-allowing the nature as life as common sense, as full consideration.
And the quartet that is this world, is not functioning in a life engaging manner. There is no interplay, there is only war and destruction, starvation and discord. This is a natural outcome of authorship, of ego. It creates dirt, it creates burdens and uncertainty. It creates separation. It creates a lack of depth perception and turns life into objects, it becomes a tool of label and not a movement as life. In this the author is not really living or expressing, nor is the surrounding , that which has been turned into object, living or expressing as life.
All of this has to stop. This is why a leader, an authority will always fail, because there is no consideration of life, there is no substance behind authority as authorship. This is why one will feel unworthy, and bitter, and dirty, and frustrated, and angry, and fearful, and inferior because there is no substance there for support. The illusion of authorship forgets forgiving consideration of life and creates a polarity that creates separation into leader and follower, into author and reader. The author and the reader become a story separate from this physical world, a world that moves in full consideration of all life. The projected story becomes what is real, common sense is dis-allowed, the physical is ignored and the imposed illusion is made bigger that what is real. This is why authorship is dirty, it places a film, an illusion, a mirage on this physical world. The mirage becomes real, and the physical becomes an object of no value, because all value is given to the roles being played, the roles of qualities and values distributed through story, by an author, and placed onto the followers as the illusion flows, in limited inconsiderate expression of this physical world that has allowed a story of survival/profit to be all that is believed to be what existence is. We, humans, are reveling in a imposed film of scum, authored by a system of desire for profit for a few. The only way to stop this separation from common sense as life, is to stand and vote for a system that stops the division into leaders and followers, a system that stops this author-ity that is the separation into mirage where this physical world is ignored, this separation into ignorance. Real leadership is the giving of self response ability.
It is time to stand up and support an equal money system, stand up and be the action of caring for all life.
Clean up the separations, the labels of control as idea, belief and opinion, the parts as polarities.
Find your constant, walk out of stress and confusion with the desteni i process.