I am walking down an isle in the local supermarket and there before me is a man, A MAN! And I look, I check him out.
I know I don’t want to “go there” , I do not have any hope for this, that this will become something. It is as though I am stuck between emotions that are habitual ( lol) and the actual experiences and patterns I have encountered within “relationship”.
It reminds me of the time in New York City, where I was a chaperone for my sister and went to model party/gatherings and did coke a few times. The high was great , the crash was unbearable. I remember it not taking too long to say no when offered coke, because – as much as that high was tempting – the crash was simply not worth it. The effect of the high was also not real, it was not something that remained, it had a beginning and an end.
I see this in the whole “pull to a man”, it is like I want the high but I know the crash is not worth the “trip”. I know I will overlook things for the sex, and I will have to walk through a crowd with the person hanging on me as they are overwhelmed with all the people and all the judgements passing through their mind, and I know this because I am not a fan of crowds, I have to breath really hard and stop the judgements. I have even stopped to talk to someone I might know who I don’t really want to talk to but I have done this because it made me feel like I was important- I had someone to talk to!
Back to the supermarket. So I am a habit , a mechanism, mechanical in the movement of my self, and while I am here doing this I have to use all my will to re-member my self of the con-sequences of this relationship “play”, this game of building relations to ride together, in togetherness, in a ship designed to maintain idea, beliefs, opinions, that this type of relationship is the ultimate, that one is nothing if one is not this, that this is what it is all about, that this will satisfy.
But it does not, if it did than there would not be divorce in this world, We tend to think that is was the person, but what if it is the relation made, and not the person.
If I am wanting a relationship then I am not being my self, I am not being the self responsibility to take care of my self and fulfill my self as life. No one can be this for me, no one can give this to me, no one can be the criteria to do this for me, asking someone to be this for me is me abusing that person’s responsibility to be self directive in their own happiness.
As long as I am “wanting” something from another person, I am not taking care of my self,and therefor I will never really be happy because happiness cannot be generated by another for me, I have to be this, and in common sense I am this because any real “god” would not have made it any other way. A real “god” would want this for each and every one of us. And if you cannot see this than you need to wake the fuck up.
People probably hide their desires, their secret desires because ultimately, they fucking know this. They just want to go and do another line of coke, they just want to “one more time’ have that rush”. Know that in choosing that “one more time” you perpetuate yourself as a being that moves from “one fix to the next” – you might as well bang your head on the wall because that is really what is happening.
In essence I am saying I need to stop banging my head on the wall and stand up and become my own happiness, direct my self in a way where I do not need something outside of my self to make me happy. If I get to this point then, when I am in the supermarket I will no longer be the habit of “looking” I will become the living expression of being, and in this I will probably be happy.
So, ultimately, the ulti mate is that what is best for me is what is best for all.
In wanting another to fulfill my needs and in fulfilling/serving the needs of another, emotionally, I am enabling the things in the other that do not allow them to stand up and become their own happiness. I am not allowing them to face what stops them from generating their own self fulfillment. And if I put up with any demands by another as to how I should be then I am really going to fuck myself and the other as well. In the end both parties are angry and unhappy because the other has not fulfilled their needs, this can be the only outcome, because another person cannot make you happy, only you can make yourself happy.
There is another situation here within this. We are humans living on this earth, and we have created systems that don’t allow us to be what makes us happy, we don’t have systems that allow us to generate the being of ourselves in self responsibility. But this is the nature of profit, profit needs followers, and therefor has to create followers, and followers need to believe that something outside of themselves will make them happy. If the capacity of a human to generate their own happiness is taken away then they can be controlled and made into followers. Which is exactly what has happened.
And because we are basically being sequestered into servers for profit for the few, we are not responsible for this world, we are not taking care of this world, this world, is not happy. All the things of this world are not happy, all the things of this world are not generating their own happiness. Drugs, sex, television, movies, cars, anything of this world that you believe you need to be happy is not going to get you to the place where you generate yourself and thus are happy. And this world is a physical world, where we the human have basic physical needs required to live as a given, to be our selves. And these have been used to force us to be followers and not our selves directing our “self. And this has to stop.
Support and Equal Money System.
Stop the “head banging” habits/addictions they are going nowhere fast!
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