Why am I sometimes anger towards people and other times compassion. Where the same ego behavior incites anger in one and compassion in another? But i still have that fury of anger come up, even though I know from experience that this is not productive. Anger will not find the resolution. Anger is just anger and fury and frustration. Compassion is perhaps an easier starting point to “take” as in being easier to “digest”, but just as with anger, if allowed to be the “label” as what is allowed to remain, as what is allowed to be all that exists and not resolved, not stopped, or used as an “insight” towards resolution, re- solution, as what is best for all, then neither anger or compassion are of any significance. Anger just builds a fire of reaction, and compassion enables another emotion/fire of “ not having resolved an issue, a limitation. Both lead to stagnnation, a drama, a “draw me into emotion and feeling” where I remain, a glitch, a whirlpool.
The movement of one self without these polarities, these di-mentional islands in the stream. The “stream” is life, the darkness, the “lightness” – as in weight- of life.
If I am reading, my eyes following the track of words, and I find my self slowing down, or missing a word, skimming a word it is almost as though the thing slowing me down is a kind of vortex of soup, almost tangible. really interesting.
This happened to me in my late teens. By seventeen I could sight read almost any orchestral piece of music put in front of me. Or so it seemed at the time. I remember a protegy – someone who started playing when they were two, whereas I started when I was nine- was frustrated because I could play scales faster than he, even though he knew some concertos that I did not know. I was in an orchestra and reading something with such ease, I would see the scale, the whole of the scale and just “fly” through it. Like I saw the whole pattern in the page, I moved with it. This is really fast, this happens really fast.
But then something happened and I could no longer do this. It was an automatic thing, but suddenly I found my self in absolute fear of playing. Everything became molasses. Like I was a fly flying around and I got stuck on one of those sticky fly traps that hang from the ceiling.
This is what the mind is, one of those sticky fly traps that hang from the ceiling. And we are all wiggling flies stuck on this sticky fly trap that is what we have accepted and allowed as the present system of division and conquering, the tool of which is money. Where money has become GOD= Guilt-Oppression-Death of life of breath of the oneness that is our equality. Our oneness and equality is the self directing with ease with all that is before one as the medium of this earth being the expression of life realizing equality.
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