Yesterday, with X, I was placing a program up on the big screen and going through the lists and then one of the trainer sequences, when X could not see, she was surprised. Perhaps this hit home with her, if she does not access her memory mind. I don’t think she quite realizes what I am saying that we have shut down our natural selves and become memory “bots”, we move as the resonances that are what we have retained as memory, memory being how the mind consciousness system works as the keeper of images and our emotions and feelings and thoughts are a compilation of these imprints/memories manifest as friction, as oscillation, as vibration of what we are holding onto as belief, idea, opinion: all beliefs, ideas and opinions based on structures that are culture, that are the morality of class and society, made so big, pounded into us by family and media, forced as all that can be seen, where if one is not “seeing” this, one is in non-compliance ( one is non com-plaint, one is not molding oneself, slowing one-self down, shaping oneself to this friction, this oscillation that has become so con-suming.) Yes, we are con-sumers of friction, of division, and the thing being con-sumed is fragile by its very nature, and that fragility needs constant support and comfort ( a communal fort) and maintenance ( main tenacity, the tenaciousness of the “main premise-promise of fulfillment by this very friction seeking resolution, seeking revelation, seeking its way back/towards/as a constant stable being-ness)
The fear in the constantly shifting eyes of all of us, seeking, as we, who do not realize what we are allowing ourselves to move as here on this all sustaining planet, this cornucopia of benevolence, waiting, giving so that we realize our own constancy as life, waiting for the shift from movement as polarities of limitation into absolute directive purpose as all as one as equal, knowing the joy that awaits in being constant instead of friction as fear, as the shifting of our eyes where we cannot see.
The irony is that in our eyes shifting in friction, as fear because we are not really “holding onto anything real” , we know we are swimming in a dream. Illness, is this vertig-ious state of oscillation between a singular polarity as belief, opinion, and idea.
What makes me see this this way. My husband. The day before he hung himself, he walked in the door from work. He had been really calm. But on this day, as he entered and stood at the end of the hall, I knew all was lost. He was surrounded by a field of squiggels, and he was so subtly shaking.
It was like there were two of me, one was registering this and another was pissed that he was this because I was really busy in my robot world with the kids and my sister who had just moved nearby and music gigs and making dinner etc. I just thought, wait, don’t react, face this later, I don’t have an answer right now. In the morning I stood in the kitchen and told him he had so much, I said you cannot perceive this or that as a failure, it was was it was, and all that you have is what you need, you are fine, your children love you, I love you, if this job is so bad then stop, we have enough money to get us through, and within three months you will find another job. He did not hear me, his fear, his mind had become too big, and it consumed him. Three months later I received a letter in the mail from an architectural firm offering him a position he had interviewed for earlier, with an international cliental because Matthew spoke very good English and German.
How to be honest with my self and not react? How to stand before the shifting eyes and stabalize? How to remain humble in the storm of oscillation, of the mind manifest as polarity?
Whereas before, a burning sensation all over my body, still present but not as strong, a curious sensation, was here, now I am nauseas and aware of the mirage of my beliefs, opinions, and ideas.
I have to breath, I am breathing, I am here, breathing, I am breath.
Thinking of forgiveness makes me tired, the mind not wanting to lose it grip, its hold, the division as idea, belief and opinion too big, the shift causing sleepiness and dizziness.The the burning starts, is here, my head on fire. I stay here to see this to realize this, to not fear this, to know this. I know in breath I will take this by the “balls” and stand. Constancy as abundance, real abundance is waiting. Life is here, as what I am as all as one as equal.
I move my self as the constant that is life , here in breath, as all as one as equal.
Forgive yourself as what you have allowed and accepted
It is time to find the constant.
It is time to allow this world, the benevolence of this world to be the constant joy that is the real nature of life. Equal Money System .