I have grown up around art work all my life. My mother is/was a painter. I took some drawing classes, even a life drawing class in high school. I can see when a painting is done from a photograph, or from real life. Last summer, I even encountered some paintings that were of the Hudson River Valley in New York State. I recognized that these paintings were of this river, but something was bothering me about the paintings. As I stood looking at them I realize they were fantasy paintings, they were images of the Hudson done from memory, done from fantasy. I later met the man who painted them and asked him ( this gallery is across the street from my house, so when the opening happened I walked across the street and asked the painter about his paintings). He said they were paintings of the Hudson River from his mind.
The difference between a painting done from life, and a painting done from memory has a different quality, as does a painting done from a photograph. One can see when a painting is done from a photograph. The image is “staid” it has not movement in it. Once this is realize, it is easy to see. But many people cannot see this. I was at a gallery opening last summer with some people and they could not see this when I remarked on it. At the time I was surprised that a specific painting as so admired, for me this painting was so obviously done from a photograph and did not “move” so to speak. I was taught to give this value, and it has no value I admit, but it is the fact that the difference between a painting done from life and a painting done from a photograph, and that this difference cannot be seen has some significance for me in relation to the movement of my self this morning. In moving as emotion I impose a staid quality to my existence, I cannot see the movement of life here as I impose beliefs and ideas and opinions onto this reality through the use of thoughts , emotions and feelings.
I, as many, was taught to care about life, taught this that I already was. I mean, I was taught on top of my self, to care about the things around me, to have a “care” about my world. I was even taught how to care. I was taught what I should feel for another, and when I should feel care for another, what emotions I needed to attend to in others. I was taught to not hurt the feelings of another.
This is a big thing these days, to not hurt the feelings of another. But what happens when the feelings of another are done as fantasy, and the feelings of another are staid and therefor limiting the other, and they do not know this, and cannot see this? What if the feelings of another are a limitation because they are connected to a belief, and idea? Here to actually “care” for feelings is actually evil because it maintains a “staid” condition that is unaware of the actual movement of life? Here, the being of a feeling deters the “feeler” from actually experiencing the life that is here, deters the “feeler” from acting as life, forgiving themselves here to life?
But I am this, I am this feeling of caring. I super-stitch this onto life in every fucking moment. This that I am supposed to feel, that I am supposed to be, that I have been taught is good, is now like a thick “film”, a slide show in the way of seeing this life. This “caring” is heavy, is a burden, is an imposition I place on all that I see. And I couple this “caring” with sadness. if I look at this and take it a step further I can see no solution from the “being” of this. It seems to just stop and become meaningless. This being of caring has no value. As a directive, it is staid and non giving, as a feeling it is heavy and does not forgive but burdens.
The difference between the being of oneself as this difference in quality from a painting done from a photograph and a painting done from life, must be as great as or greater than the difference between my self as life directing my self without this mirage of feeling as ‘caring” and my self as the forgiving of this energy motion- emotion that I impose as a taught “photograph” manifest in the very resonance of what I am here. This “walking” superstition of “caring” that (staid) stays as the mind and moves not as life, with life, as what I am, yet undiscovered but present as the breath that is life.
Sense the “staid” quality of this imposed mirage through the forgiving quality of breath. Give life value by being here, in breath, as breath, forgive imposed qualities that stay the mind as one’s expression and cover the self that is movement, that is life, that is the “lightness” of being. A gift given that we as mind disallow and stop the forgiving as the real reciprocation in thankfulness as the movement of ourselves as what we are, here.
Stand up and stop, stand up and SEE this “staying” of self as the mind. Wake up and realize the limitations of this superstition, this mirage, realize that in every moment of breath one is forgiving and reciprocating in thankfulness in giving as self as life, SEE that any thought, emotion and feeling is staid and burdensome and is not life, this staying of the mind stops the loving of your neighbor as yourself.
Realize that I am a mother, and as a mother I want my children to stand as themselves, to stand as their own unique expression, to stand in joy as life. I want my children to stand reciprocating in being unconditional self expression as life as all as one as equal, and as this, in every moment the very being of this as what they/I are/am is a forgiving of thankfulness for this being as life. Anything that exists that is not of this expression is evil personified and must stop. Anything that is stagnant, that stays self is of the mind, a place of unseeing.
The solution is to start the desteni i process to stop the “staying” of the mind.
The real self as caring for all life has no choice but to stand and support an equal money system, to place all the children of this earth in a position to begin the movement of themselves as breath, as forgiveness, where thankfulness is the being of one self reciprocating as the movement of life.
Wake up and SEE the staid quality of imposed thought, feeling and emotion. Once seen, once tangible, there is no going back. Here, life can begin to be unconditional expression here on earth, dis-cover the mind.