My experiences with the white light.
The first time I stood in this “white light” that I remember was in about tenth grade. I was performing in front of my class, and my best friend, was accompanying me on the piano. There I stood and suddenly I was being “faded into” a white world of light. I kept playing, could see none of my classmates, just “white light”, everything was “white light”. I just watched it, thinking it curious. I can’t remember when the room and the students returned. I didn’t experience any sensation coming from this light.
When I was about 18 I encountered this “white light” behind some kind of entity. I had walked into an apartment with a friend and was asked to wait in the entry room alone. As I stand there waiting, I suddenly look up and see a floating head, it appeared as a man to me, with colored rings around the head and a “stream” of “white light” seeming to go into some distance that was not spatially relative to this physical space here-so to speak, as though there were another space behind this floating head. This “head” did not frighten me, I just knew it could not do anything to me. I remember asking my self why the “head” didn’t turn towards the “white light” behind him.
Then in my twenties it happened again. I was in a restaurant and everything faded and I stood in white light. This time I remember wondering about the time aspect. I really thought I was going crazy. I was not doing drugs or drinking heavily, so I can’t attribute this sudden appearance of “white light” to a condition of too many drugs. I never really liked drugs enough to do them heavily.
Then, in my mid-thirties I had a dream that did not end like a dream. It ended like I was thrown back into my body, because I nearly hit the ceiling my body jumped up so in reaction. A couple of times I have been in my body but unable to move my body, a really strange experience, where one tries really hard to move and cannot. This time the “white light “ was different, it spoke, or voices came out of it. I had found my self in absolute blackness, but I was not afraid, I just was aware that I was-so to speak. Then I saw a pin-point of light and moved towards it, more like glided towards it, but I didn’t “think” move towards it, I just moved towards it. But it would not let me come. Many voices, very insistent voices in beautiful tones told me I had to return. Return to “where” I had no idea, I did not understand what the hell they meant. All I could see and “feel” was this intense “bliss” coming from this light, and I wanted this “bliss” and no one was going to tell me no. I remember saying, but I was not talking, that I wanted to go to this light, I wanted to be in this light and why could I not come. I was pretty strong in my desire. I was saying, but you are so beautiful, why can’t I come??? The voices repeated that I had to return, again and again and again, and finally they repeated, “the children, the children” again and again. Slowly, it dawned on me, yes, the children, I had to return to the children. I don’t remember having a thought of a specific child or children. At the moment I said, or thought, or realized within my self this “idea” of children, and accepted this “importance” to return for the children, I was on my bed moving with a really strong force “up” from lying down, in a state of shock. I thought I had seen “god”. But another part of me could not let go of the question as to why these voices coming out of this “bliss” were so insistent. Something in the “tone” continued to haunt me.
The last time I saw the “white light” was a couple of days before my husband died. But this time it was different. I had just walked my children to school and walked back down a steep hill and turned a corner. I was thinking about my husband, that something was seriously wrong. I stopped on the corner in front of this tree filled with new green leaves. I was in my mind, and stopped on this corner and said to my self, “everything has to stop, the only thing that matters is that my husband “find himself” “. And the world appeared to stop as I said these words. The world appeared to move in slow motion, to “fade” into slow motion, the tree was moving in slow motion. I could see every leaf, and every leaf on that tree had little sparks flying out of each edge, and every leaf appeared to me to be moving with absolute certainty of purpose, all together in unison knowing every moment, and through the middle of this actual physical tree in front of me there flowed a silent continuous “substance” so gently, so “peacefully, so consistently , I thought it was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. At the same time I felt so removed from this, as though I was separate. So, here I am looking at this tree, this spring, just leafed out tree, and how amazing it looks when – this is how I saw this- from behind me came this “white light” with this “bliss” feeling and it surrounded me. Again, I can’t remember the moment I was back in “reality”. But I was from one moment to the next, after this light appeared, once again on the sidewalk in front of this tree and time was as I have always known it. This was June of 2000.
I haven’t seen this “white light” again.This last experience happened when I was thirty eight. What I asked my self was, “what is all this, and why can’t i generate it, why does it appear so randomly throughout my life?”
When I found Desteni, after reading many books searching for similar descriptions and experiences, I found the answers.
The “white light” was a mind fuck, plain and simple. This is why I could not generate this “white light”, I had allowed this, but I could not generate it. It was there to control me, to stop me from what? I don’t know, this light was all I could see.