The physical changes I have gone through doing forgiveness has been extensive. I seem to “shed a skin” at times. This last one involved so much bone cracking, in my spine, in my joints, in my toes, one day I woke up with a “knot” in my finger which would not crack and eventually did. And the desire to stretch was immense, as though I could not stretch enough, and/or twist my body enough. I went to a chiropractor, but he could not reach the stretching/cracking things I was trying to find. I had to find it my self. It was as though I could feel the tightness thing holding the dis-ease of the bone/joint/alignment of unbalance in place. Then one goes into the thing, the knot and tries to disperse (dis- perse, like taking off a purse, a woman’s purse, like getting rid of baggage- I don’t like to carry a bag, always try to put everything in my pockets, would use my violin case as a “purse” – the less the better.) what is being held – so to speak. What is interesting is that this cracking starts in the spine and moves outwards through the extremities. And then there is the heat.
A burning/nuclear feeling, mostly in my head, sometimes moving to my chest, more random to me in the moment because I really don’t understand this. I just had the sensation of a intense heat in my head. Yesterday I noticed this heat starts if I wrote or immediately go into four count breath.
I read in my alternative health search that one method used to rid the body of cancer was to induce a fever causing disease. A fever cleans the body, kills anaerobic organisms like cancer cells. If one could stand a high fever from a known disease, one would kill off cancer cells. I also read that vegetable oils turn rancid in a tropical environment, of which the human body is – a tropical environment- so many criticize the advent of the use of vegetable oils because they turn rancid and create age/liver spots on the skin. In my obsession with raw milk, I also read that people who have not had the fat from milk, because they have been drinking non-fat milk, should not drink raw/fresh ( pasture fed ) milk because in not having fats they have weakened their immune system. The fat from the animal, that is in the meat, helps digest the protein in the meat. When Lewis and Clark carried out their expedition across America, they starved even though they had plenty of buffalo to kill and eat. It was Spring, and the animals no longer had their fat reserves for the winter , so the meat had no fat, so the explorers could not utilize the protein in the meat they had in abundance, so they starved. So much food, but no capacity to use the nutrients in the food. Another time, when I ordered some beef from a small farmer, I asked him to leave the fat on the meat. He said that the slaughtering industry takes some of the fat because beef fat is used in industry, no synthetic replacement has been created that is as viable as nature’s fats. This made me wonder if somehow the fats that help digest the food, that cannot be duplicated ( and patented ) are being taken for industry, and left out of the diet – left out of the diet to break down the immune system of the human or to starve the human.
But if we were of sound and we no longer had all these parasites infesting out bodies, these viruses, would we need animal fat? Can animal fat be grown in a petrie dish? What good is the meat if it is not utilized? Or is this just another creation of a market, product to buy, that process the food in our bodies. As the resources of our lands are dispersed and no longer controlled by the people in their dispersement, is it the same game of control and ignorance development with how our bodies work, in creating needs from a spread of sources with the intake of food?
That is really fucked up. Such denial of life. Such denial of expression. fucked up, seriously fucked up. And we allow it, that is what is really really fucked up. There is no one to blame but US.
And it is all through a game of divide and conquer.
I sit here and think how the mind works in a polarity, where one is seeing two things that are really one, and this is where anxiety comes in, fear, which is like a feeling of having no control, where bringing the two poles together is unnerving – so to speak. Stopping the dispersement within, and remembering self as sound and moving from there, something the mind cannot fathom, by the very mechanics of itself as only being a machine – so to speak – of separate parts.
And that sense of falling, that sense of fear when I try to “go beyond” this requires breath and will and now suddenly, a gentleness, because fury/emotion is just another block on the road.
So, this anxiety thing I allow my self to go into. I have to get this to not be bigger than my self because when this happens I can’t read, I can’t move, I stagnate. In this I feel like I can’t breath. And I know it is the thing I am feeling that has to be moved through and stopped. At the moment it is all I can do to stop it from consuming me. I can’t quite grasp it yet, and so I am yawning a lot and feeling tired, a tale telling sign of my own resistance.
Even in the world, the system seeks their play of divide and conquer. The other night a male acquaintance was helping me with a computer, and sure enough he had to mention that his “pistol in his pants” was giving him problems. I mean really, even if I thought about it, is that romantic? What am I supposed to do with that?????? I just told him to hold up his hand and placed my hand next to his and said his penis was too big for me. He deflated. If you want the answer to that one your just going to have to go through the Desteni material to find the answer.
And then someone else created a Youtube site and invited me as a friend, I went and looked at the sight and the only video was of my son skate-boarding. What the fuck? Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned! The mind is cheap and the games of the mind are cheap, and the games played out that are of the mind NEVER satisfy. Stop wasting your SELF, breath mother fucker! Enough!
So, back to this anxiety. The only answer is to stop and breath and forgive. To shed another layer until it is done, for life, for all that is here that is equal and one, that is all as one as equal to my self.
Join the Desteni I Process and release the knots that are the dis-ease of your human physical body. Find what it really means to release the fear and become the principle of oneness and equality as self as life. It is a fascinating journey.