I remember having a violin teacher tell me I was being weird. At the time this really upset me, to have an adult stand their in the intimate environment of a private lesson say that I was being weird. What I was really being was scared and tense, and the teacher was of a belief that being scared and tense was just plain weird, Snap out of it, stop being weird, was the attitude. And they were right, well they were not wanting to be sympathetic and agreeing that being scared and tense was ok. A kind of hard love, so to speak, that was gentle in seeing my state as being weird, as being something that really didn’t make any sense. Nothing to be angry about, or confused about, just something to not be. I think a light went on, so to speak. Sympathy would not have worked with me anyway, too sticky, I would have become suspect.
Today, I thought about how being scared, which is tensing , which is protecting self, which is defending self from what one is perceiving to be a danger, an intrusion, a potential invasion into self, a possible criticism that one was somehow wrong. But what was the starting point of the potential of being “wrong”? Doing something that might irritate, where a robot may point a finger and allow ridicule to become the voices from without. The fear of this becoming so big that one forgets everything else, and does not even remember what the original thought was, or why there was ever fear in the first place. This then begins a wall of defense, to stop that which arrives to judge.
This wall of defense if the movie projected outward, to stop the potential threat of ridicule and judgement. And my violin teacher was telling me to just be. I was ashamed of my self and at the same time wowed by the common sense of this attitude that I should just simply stop being weird.
Why build up defenses, when all that was needed was to just be. And it is weird to build up defenses. The irony is that this teacher is probably dead, didn’t apply this wisdom in all areas of life. In the end they had probably taught so much they had no patience left for “weird”. Meanwhile, I had to go to lessons and stop “weird”.
This is the desteni i process in a nut shell, stopping “weird”. Stopping all those defenses that stop just being, stopping all those little personality traits that hide what is really there, the being of oneself as “weird”. The impatient, irritable voice in the head defending by attacking perceived fault in another to compensate for “weird” that is where one’s self is, the desires of pleasures, innumerable in our society, that release the “weird”, the dreaming and imagining of moments not yet realized or able to be realized played out in the mind. All of this is the by product of “weird”.
So, today my physical body was weird, in through the back again, as usual, and I looked at all the thoughts and desires of my self as my defense mechanism and out they flowed, cool up the back and for a few minutes I was not ‘weird”. All my thoughts and feelings and emotions are a product of my self defense. Like a wall around a medieval castle shutting out a waring world, a world grabbing for what ever it can take instead of realizing its own weirdness, its own defensive stance, where life is not realized, where self as life hides behind walls. I don’t think music can be made from behind defensive walls. So, my teacher in that moment said the only thing that needed to be said. Stop being weird.
Join the Desteni I Process and stop “weird” within one self.
Stand up and vote for an equal money system and stop the “weirdness” of the world.
It will take all of us, every single one to stop the defenses we have built to shield the existence we are as perpetual war, so endlessly refracted we no longer know how or why we exist the way we do.
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