I am anxious lately, more so than usual. And when I am anxious I realize that I become more egotistical, more righteous. My back chat wants to consume me, the voice in my head that belittles gets bigger. I become like a snarling nasty monster in my head, defensively criticizing everything, lashing out. In my anxiety, I have a harder time reading words on a page and taking in information. I notice that I “skim” words more as I read them. I get annoyed and am easily rattled. I “skim” in my life as well and am less directed in getting things done.
This usually happens when I have to learn something new, when I am having to move into something new. I have to “pull my self in” so to speak and simply walk. Sometimes making lists of what I want to get done during the day, when I am like this, really helps, because as I check off each thing I calm down. The list making organizes my self and directs myself, the checking off of the tasks as I complete them is a movement of how I need not be anxious because the reality here, in this physical body is that I can only do one thing at a time, so this is how it is done, and the “ just doing “ of one thing does not need to cause worry and allow anxiousness.
To stop this anxiousness, where I take things personally and am defensive is forgetting the ability of my self to use my depth perception, to use my self, to place and include the principle of oneness in equality, to be directed as what is best for all.
So, when I am anxious, on my check list, I need to also include.
– What is best for all. CHECK.
I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to feel that what I have to get done is more than I can handle.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to fear not being able to get things done, where the thought that I might not get things done is unnecessary.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that I am judging my self as incapable when I see the tasks at hand as being a burden, something i must get done, instead of simply doing them and remembering to breath.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to create an ominous presence around tasks needed to be done where I become anxious and make the task bigger than it need be, instead of breathing and accepting the task as something that just needs to be done.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to diminish my self through anxiety and anxiousness.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to be anxious and nervous to fear losing, to fear failing, to fear criticism, not realizing that this fear is not helpful in the movement of my self, where the inner matches the outer, as what is best for all, where I pull my self back and direct my self through and become life instead of anxiety and anxiousness.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to “lash out” in my mind towards my world, where I become impatient and forget the life before me and only skim the surface of what is here-so to speak.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to feel ashamed of being, and having been, critical of my surroundings, not realizing that I am merely anxious and nervous, fearing the discovery of my own insecurity.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to not stop my own insecurity and move my self, pull my self back to life where I direct my self as what is best for all as I walk one step at a time, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to become anxious and fearful, where I judge my self as incapable, thereby not allowing my self as life, as all as one as equal, as what is best for all to realize that there is no criticism but what I allow and accept as I separate from my self as a human taking one step at a time, here
I forgive myself for alllowing and accepting my self to become the morality /polarity design of my parents where I analyze my surrounding as what is proper and cultural according to a set of standards that does not include what is best for all as direction as life as all as one as equal, but only protects and cares for a limited state of survival.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to exist in anxiety and nervousness .
I am here
I “take the bull” by the horn, the “bull’ as my self as the monster of back chat and back door escape into judgement and fear and remember my self as the directive principle of oneness in equality until it is done, no matter what.
I stand as all as one as equal and do not allow back chat, separation of myself into judgement of self and others as me.
I am breath
I am breathing
I realize my own back chat in every moment and forgive and pull myself in and consider what is best for all, in every moment until what is best for all is here, beginning with an equal money system.
I do not allow back chat
I do not allow anxiety
I do not allow fear
I do not allow tasks to become bigger than myself.
In every moment, I am checking off – on my list- what is best for all.