I talked with another person on the phone. I had the thought that this person never makes any mind of commitment. If I say that they need their hair cut, they say, “ why? do you want to cut my hair? “, when I expect them to say, “yes, please would you cut my hair.” After asking if I want to cut their hair, they suggest that I have insulted them and their hair, yet admit that their hair needs to be cut. I could take this and relate it to other things but this is not living in the moment. So, I want to protest about some kind of treatment, there is something I am wanting and that is the basis of my reaction. What is really going on with them has nothing to do with me, with what I am hiding from in my relation to them. I have to look at what is in my mind and stop this within the moment here. In this kind of action one will stop the same actions in another, so it does all come back to self. Just as being able to talk through the selling of something by pointing out how it takes one forward in some way instead of how it is burdensome, is the same thing. Burdens are self imposed impositions, where there is a position of fear, thus movement becomes a burden.
So, whatever insecurity so and so has is meaningless, it is all about my self, here, not allowing my self to hide, or limit myself in any way, not to worry about what is to be done in anyway but what will work, and what will work that is best for all, and what is best for me is what is best for all, so to become anxious about what is best for all is then again brought back to self in common sense because in simply doing what is best for my self I am doing what is best for all.
So, in facing criticism from another for example, one realizes that criticism from another is really the other being fearful. or the other wanting to point out that my self, as one self, is not directing one’s self as what is best for all, so in this there really is no criticism, there is just fear and direction. Also known as insecurity and constructive criticism. Easily realized through application of the mathematical formula 1+1=2, or what is best for self is best for all.
What is going on with my self here is the feeling that I am doing all the work. But in saying that I am doing all the work in the relationship, is my self trying to force the relationship to be something. I am wanting attention payed to a specific response that is inclusive, I measure the relation in terms of expected response, and these responses I am expecting are all culturally related in terms of how roles are played, how roles are “respected” through words, polite words, words of acknowledgement.
I notice that I get nervous when I don’t receive the words I want to hear, the words I want to be here.
In this I am simply not having the right energetic responses to feed my mind expectations in and as preformed, programed response. This will leave my self in a state of agitation. I am expecting, moving as energy, needing to be feed and not remaining stable in principle, as all as one as equal. The great equalizer, is death, where persona, where all that is not real is left behind. What is real is that ofcourse we are all as one as equal, as there really can be nothing else that would be a constant, that could be a constant.
All uncertainty is a polarity because it is not in a state of balance, it is not realizing its equality. The relations between two people that are not in a state of directive support are in a state of inequality. Blame is not taking responsibility, and the blame cannot be put onto something that is unstable, that is not a directive movement, there is only that which balances the polarity into stability as equality, and since we are all equal, this is taken by the self as equality. So, judgement is useless, self direction takes that which is here which is all which is self to equality, self realizes.
In feeling anxious because I have not established something in relation to another, I will not establish anything, ever, it is impossible, because I am not establishing equality within myself. The establishment of equality within my self is the answer to the anxious response of wanting to establish something I believe needs to be done in another.
OK, why do I feel like I can go on and on with this. It is like I try to say something and I can just keep going and going and going. Like I am singing a song, as though I am saying the words but I don;t quite have them so I say them in various ways.
This must have something to do with bring self/life into all this. As though “birthing” life, birthing awareness, bringing oneself here takes time. Taking it in to the point of actual physical application.
This was talking my self through as direction, in directing forgiving the anxiousness. Sometimes the forgiveness is not enough, it seems to me, it is the directing that is the forgiving. Like turning from the limitation, turning from the stagnation.