Nervousness and the future

Today I realize that I am constantly thinking ahead, organizing what is coming next. I start thinking about my taxes month before, collecting the papers in one place as they come in and keeping a kind of folder in my head of them in preparation. I even do this with the violin, I think about how I do it, as a kind of neurotic retention. This constant looking forward is my self as the driven mother/woman/cosmopolitan 20th century person. Always looking ahead, always trying to figure out how to get somewhere. Somewhere being success, work, self improvement according to the systems/ parental/societal indoctrination as a belief /idea of a successful middle class role.
I am often catching my self in thinking about possible ways to organize what I am currently working with and often I find my self imagining outcome. At least four or five times a day, even more lately, I have to stop my self. STOP.
It was spending more time reading articles about current events and stories that pulled me back, I was feeling overwhelmed in doing this, as though I had too much to think about. But,my mind wanted to think about the future, I wanted to be the “next” step in my existence, instead of being here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to think about the future.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to constantly think about outcome instead of remaining here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to imagine an outcome of future events that are not even here.
i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be/feel nervous about the future
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to dream about the future, not realizing that in dreaming about/imagining the future I am not here, in this moment.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to worry about the future, to fear the future and in hiding from this fear I allow my self to think about the future.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to be unsatisfied with what I have, whereby I make comparisons of what I have to others within my society and judge my self as less than or more than, or justify what I have as being enough and ok because of this or that reason, which is accepting what I have in relation to another, and not being here as all as one as equal.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to worry about the future, and in this worry I am actually judging where I am, what I am, and how I am in relation to others, which is my self existing in relation to another and not being here as all as one as equal.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to move here as my mind in comparison, and worry and fear of the future, where the criteria I use to determine an outcome of my future is based on what I have accepted and allowed as more than or less than according to the ideas of the society I grew up in, from parents/teachers/friends/acquaintances that influenced how I present my self and what makes a person successful in the world in which I live.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to exist as my mind in projection of the future
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to wander off into imagining my future, be it in fear and doubt or desire and success.
I am here
I have enough here, to work with that what is next need not be worried about or thought about here in this moment.
I cannot walk what is not here, therefore I remain here in breath
Imagining the future, is not what is here.
A projection of the mind is not what is real, is not what is here.

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About rebeccakarlendalmas

Desteni I Process Equal Life Foundation livingincome.me eqafe.com
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