I am biting my nails again

I am biting my nails again.
I am anxious and apprehensive.
What is happening in my life?

Concert tomorrow. Where I will make very little money for the work done and I will be judged by a larger audience.

College tuition bills. Scholarship money has not come in and the university is sending me bills and wanting letters ( that have been sent) of statement. It has gotten to the point where one has to send a scholarship award letter from the university itself every semester. Incredible amount of unnecessary bureaucracy.

My son went to the emergency room because he fractured his foot. He gave them his insurance information but this was not processed into their computer so everything was sent to me. Now, each department sends out a separate bill, so I have a bill for the doctor, a bill for the x-ray technician, a bill for the administrator, and a bill for the foot apparatus. All of these groups have to be called and given the info. I had called and said the hospital has the info. but they were not interested in dealing with the hospital, they say they are their own entity, separate. Every bill that comes in I have to then relate to my son and he calls with his insurance info. So, much juggling.

I have this with the university application process for my other son as well, not to mention the whole system of setting up finances for the next year.

When I am faced with vast amount of paper work I become anxious. I hold it all in my head and feel unorganized until it is done. And I procrastinate and become tired when faced with this. If a question needs to be answered it is impossible to reach someone on a phone. It really seems that talking to someone within a system these days no longer exists, everything is automated.

The people in the systems no longer speak directly, ( I exaggerate). Talking to people, one can get a name and then the person becomes responsible. A system wants itself to be the thing, the structure, all that is, any thing that does not fit is avoided.

At the university of Massachusetts, the head bursar does not speak on the phone. I have been told he has a hearing problem and does not speak on the phone. Twice I questioned this because I was confused and did not want to play the game. I said, well, isn’t there phone amplification devices and gadgets in out modern technological world to help the hard of hearing? One time the person on the other end started laughing- with me. The other time the person said in a terse voice, ” I think I need to find someone else for you to talk with!” This still makes me laugh.

I mean, in fucking common sense what kind of an answer is this? ( Granted, I am sure there are some people I would not want to talk with! ) Systems are ‘pushing paper around’; avoid what does not fit into the standard forms.

“Brazil” is here. Watch out!

The solution?




About rebeccakarlendalmas

Desteni I Process Equal Life Foundation livingincome.me eqafe.com
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