I went shopping today and noticed my mind categorizing all the people around me. Back in my car I was feeling that I was not moving forward with this stopping of the mind, But I also realize that even though my mind was busy doing it’s thing, I was not reacting emotionally, I was not feeling sad that I was not as pretty, as together or whatever reaction one might be towards a thought that is of judgement when seeing another person. A sense that this way of being is not going to bring oneness and equality here is like a will in me, wanting to remain constant as a directive. I want this judging to STOP. It does nothing to/for life to begin to express itself here.
Also, today, while making a vlog, my son walked into the room and I was embarrassed. I had the fear that he was going to believe that I was too much into this process. He has already said to me that people are going to realize themselves. But I was aware of myself doing this and so, I kept going. I also must stop worrying about what people will think of me.
The vloging is already another dimension to this process of self forgiveness and self honesty. It has introduced the question of why I am doing this, again, and forced me to look at my physical self more than I have been.
I have this drive to find something, and I am not sure what that something is. I don’t think my mind can de-fine this. But this thing is more directive than that of a thought, a thought being something that is “staid” in its very nature-so to speak.
I also think about expansion and awareness. My sense, presently, of this is like that of a substance that gently becomes bigger, almost like the way the tide, on a calm, windless day, effortlessly reaches and touches the shore.
But it would make sense that should I be conscious of what I am looking for then I am probably already lost.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to be embarrassed when my son walks into the room while I am making a video.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to worry about what people will say about the presentation of my self on the internet in a video.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to fear judgement from others about the presentation of my self through video on the internet.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to feel stupid for making videos about how I exist as the mind.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to fear that I am not clear enough in my expression.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to not breath, to not remain in breath while I am making a video for the internet.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to believe that this process is impossible for me, and that I am not able to speak clearly and therefor will be of no assistance to myself or to others.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to judge in and as the mind whereby I stop my self from being here, as all as one as equal.
As I walk through each day I am aware of each breath. From here I remain in breath, though the mind may spin, I remain as breath. I remain here as the in breath, the pause, the out-breath, the pause. I am the in breath, the pause between the in breath and the out breath, the out-breath, the pause between the out breath and the in-breath. I breath in and out in every moment. I am breathing, in and out, in and out. This breath that I am is constant, it directs me here, it is my self as life as all as one as equal. Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out. My breath is my constant. Here. IN breath I am all as one as equal. IN breath I am self forgiveness, self honesty, self trust.
In breath I am as all as one as equal.