Self trust.

My vlog about my ability to stand up and talk, that I included with memories of my mother’s and my behavior is??
The weekend trip that I took, that I did not want to take but I did because it was what I thought I was supposed to do. I felt guilty about going. And so, what did I get upon the return was guilt. But i also was hit with something that I had already realized about people. That people tend to bring their “issues” into play. My own guilt and my mother’s guilt were the energy being played out. Standing up and realizing this was not going to stop the action immediately. What was necessary was to let it go and not react. I didn’t really understand this at the time. I just thought my mother was being extreme. I had never done anything to suggest that I was not wanting to take care of my children.

The issue about the mortgage remains somewhat strange to me, but again I realize that I have guilt about the way I live. I live because of my husband and somehow I feel guilty about this.I feel that what I have is not really mine, ( well on another level it belongs to everyone, but this is not practical in the present system ) and this must be allowing abuse from others. My own guilt allows others to reflect their own guilt. I invite this in.
When I did not get a teaching job I just decided that I had enough to have what I needed and that a job would be in some ways greedy of me, that there were other people with no income that should get the job.
I could play the violin and make enough to supplement what I had.
So, I accept limitations and invite guilt because I am a walking judgement. I believe that accepting what money I have and not wanting more is good. I am a good christian because I am not greedy.
Unfortunately, this does not help the world. This accepts less than. This being of a singular quality, though presented all by itself does not appear bad, is just that, singular. A belief.
I have what I have because this is how the system in which I live works. At the moment, what I can do is take what I have and use it as best I can to try and change what is here on this earth that is unacceptable. And even though I am not sure of what this means specifically, somehow there is a practical way forward. And since there is no other way, the way is there.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting limitation in a belief that I have enough.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to feel guilt about what I have.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to feel that I have to accept less because I have what many people do not have.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to justify limitation through a belief that I should be thankful for what I have.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to believe that accepting financial limitaiton means that I am not greedy.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to invite the guilt of others.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to feel sorry for my self because my life in many ways is taken care of and therefor I should be happy with what I have and not want more.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to feel that I should be glad and accepting for what I have and not desire more.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to be a persona of sweetness, because as a school teacher once said to me, ” the sweet children utilize sweetness because it brings them attention”.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to be the persona of sweetness, to want to give away things randomly because I feel I don’t deserve to have them and that the other person probably needs them more than I do.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that this persona of not really mattering, whereby I simply remain a nice person does nothing to help stop the abuse that exists in the world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to accept that I do not deserve to be treated in such a way that another stops placing their guilt on me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to listen to people I deal with call me and apologize endlessly every time they make a mistake in picking up the milk for the milk coop.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to not ask them how many times I have listened to apologies and had to compensate for the mistake, and what I should do about this?
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to feel guilty about not taking a tutoring job to run an office because I didn’t want to be the role the head woman had where all she did was sit and listen to the parents of the children blame the school system for their problems.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to accept and reject situations where I listen to others explain their sorrows as though I can do something about it, and even when I do make suggestions they are usually not heard because the person does not really want to give up their habitual motion.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting whatever it is that allows this.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to be compassionate to a fault.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to be reactive to the wanting of having someone to listen to the emotional state that one exists as because I am disgusted with my own emotional states.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to want to discard emotional energy because I have watched its effects on others, especially mother and father, to such an extent that I just want to say to people to stop but I am afraid of anger as a response.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to feel guilty about not wanting to hear the emotion of another.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to sometimes want to gossip about the emotional life of another.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to use what compassion I have to sympathize with others.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to not stand outside of being emotionally sympathetic and simply stop the movement of the thing being sympathized with.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to not use common sense in every moment, and not be influenced by the emotion before me, be it my own or another’s.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to be the action of compassion and sympathy and the reactive polarity of this where I have no patience for the emotion of another.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to feel important and caring when someone shares their emotion with me, and then to feel that I am not important when they do not share their emotion with me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to be taken advantage of.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to allow people, governments, corporations and family to take advantage of me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe I am superior in my ability to be compassionate and sympathetic.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to seek situations where i am compassionate and sympathetic, and remain in the role that is considerate of the “underdog” because I believe someone has to consider these people and therefor I am a good person.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to believe that I am supposed to be this or supposed to be that, and that should I brake from these “supposed to be, and always have been” roles that there is something wrong with me.

I have no guilt at walking away from the roles I have played in the past.
I have no guilt at standing up and speaking against expectations from family and friends.
I have no guilt about my income, it is what is here and can be used productively.
I have no guilt at patiently listening to people and then asking the one question that does not necessarily show sympathy, but also does not display a polarity of disgust and indignation.
I have no guilt about the reactions of my parents or society.

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About rebeccakarlendalmas

Desteni I Process Equal Life Foundation livingincome.me eqafe.com
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