i made a vlog and tried to post it. The site wouldn’t accept this. Now I have to carefully follow some instructions from imovie to figure out how to do this. In the meantime I made a couple of videos of my self and watched them a few times. I noticed that in watching my self more dimensions of what I am have come up. Then today I listened to Sunette talk about the need to vlog as another necessity in self realization.

I think I fear criticism and attack the most. Ridicule and dismissal as being lost in something that is outright rejected. The two things that come up in my self as a response have been stated by others in various responses to that reaction stated above, that I fear. One is that a simple glance at the Desteni material will not and cannot give one an idea of what is being said. I should know, I had to read and reread and reread many articles and watch videos again and again, only to find them months later and be surprised that I missed something that was very clearly said. I think when I started working my way through the Desteni material ( and I still find things I have watched and not watched) I was also surprised by how the things being said seemed to not want to stick in my brain ( so to speak). In all, the Desteni material requires more than one perusal. When confronted with criticism about vloging or bloging for equality, I would expect a reply after about a year of continued perusal of the material.

The other response is; “Do you have any better ideas?” – enough said.

These “actions” that I fear I have already faced, have already seen played out and walked through with my immediate family and friends.

Also, last night in standing in front of a stranger, I watched my self be “closed off from them, consciously doing this. I remember thinking that this sucked! this “defensive” standing distant within my self. I have been aware of this before Desteni. I have wanted to stop this, to be open and “with” the other person.

I cut my hair short. Now I see my sister in me. I see a similar “look” and this “look” has been haunting me for a few days. This comes up in this moment of remembering the keeping of my self as distant and “not able” to connect with a person. It is the same “look” I see in my sister and myself in the act of being “distant”/believing non-connectability. So, in stopping my own created/accepted/allowed “walls”of belief, opinion and idea, which vloging has the potential to reveal, then there is no other choice but to do this. The separation as what consciousness is, is too painful, too abusive, especially since the other, the one perceived to be distant, is sitting in the same mess. ( like two people standing on the edge of a vast canyon, staring at one another and wanting to be able to connect/express). Here the reflection of consciousness blinds, yet somehow that inner life as self is there, really really trapped and appearing as longing. A tiny spark of self, of life fearing the mess, the wall.

Enough description, more forgiveness and corrective application.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to allow my own beliefs and opinions and fears of rejection from consciousness to limit my self dis-covery.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to fear ridicule and criticism from others that are consciousness movement, that are systems of limitation and belief.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to fear being cast away from friends and family.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to believe that any criticism is capable of eliminating my self as life as all as one as equal.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that the arguments given to me in response tend to end up in nasty criticism which is ego.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to grow weary of the ego as the mind that confronts me in criticism, where my responses seem small in comparison the the increasing volatility I have encountered as reaction to the principle of equality.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that , although I support Desteni, it is the PRINCIPLE of supporting EQUALITY.
I am here as the principle of equality.
When I stand before a stranger/person/myself I am not consciousness I am equality, I am facing the walls of belief, opinion, idea that stop the expression of my self as equality, where I am one and equal to my self and all that is matter that is here.
In this I remain in breath.
I am breathing.
I am equality.


About rebeccakarlendalmas

Desteni I Process Equal Life Foundation livingincome.me eqafe.com
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