Slowing Down

I watched a movie last night and started biting my nails. I get anxious when watching movies. My nails have grown out quite a lot and begin to get in the way. I should have cut them down because when they are too long I start picking away a them. So, in watching this movie, I was caught up in the anxiety ( that is usually resolved).
This morning, I realized that perhaps one of the problems with my back is that I simply need to slow down. I am anxious about everything, that things have to be done, have to be finished, have to be at a certain stage by a certain time. ( Does this have anything to do with Sunette’s post on hurrying?). IN anxiousness I am not breathing, in anxiousness I am not aware of my breath and my breath is difficult to move as steady and un-forced. Anxiousness is like a big knot, and in this imagery of an intertwined mass of fear, something that is moving very fast and in this is very heavy it is no wonder I find it hard to find my breath, to be my breath in a calm and steady movement. The only solution is to simply SLOW DOWN.
Anxiousness is also blinding, the fears causing the anxiety are moving so fast, I can’t name them or see them.
What is interesting is that the first nails I bite are the ones on my middle finger. Balance. My back is out of balance, and being anxiousness puts my breath out of steady direction and into labored action.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to be anxious
I forgive myself that I have allowed my self to move as the energy of fear as anxiety where I become a speeding ball of energy, as fear, as worry, as doubt in handling the future, in doubt of handling what is here effectively instead of remaining in breath where I slow down and realize I can direct my self in breath through what is before me in each step I take.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to take on more problems on which I focus and thus spin into anxiety, wanting to solve these perceptions of “problem” before they are in front of me not realizing in the moment that as I remain in breath what is before me in the moment is all that I can “walk through” one step at a time.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to allow anxiousness to become what I am here.
I forgive myself that I have allowed my self to believe that becoming anxious is productive because this is the persona that society believes, as one runs around in a “hurry” , “looking busy” is an indication of a productive person.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to forget the breath, to use my will to remember my self as breath here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to have thoughts running through my head about how this post is going to be accepted or not accepted, which is pride and ego, fucking stop thoughts NOW!
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting this feeling that I can’t stop this, that it is too difficult.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to believe that slowing down and remembering breath demands too much attention, attention I am incapable of maintaining.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to believe that this attention needed to maintain my breath and stop anxiety is more than I can handle.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting any and all thoughts that detract from what is here as the physical that is more than capable of breathing.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to not catch the fogginess that is the mind immediately each and every moment, and instead only periodically
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to become an energetic construct in and as the mind where I become anxiousness instead of breath, in stead of the constant that is breath, here
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to not immediately stop all action when I find my self not aware of breath, and simply slow down and not move in any way until I am once again breathing.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to not realize my will in moments of anxiety, that I , here, as the physical, am able to return to breath.
I am here, I am physically here and therefor I return to breath in every moment I find I have returned to the mind
I am breath , in breath I exist, in breath I return in a moment of anxiousness
I am breath, no anxiety or fear or doubt can stop my physical capacity to return to breath, to be breath
Breath is life, on which anxiety depends, therefor, breath is all-ways here, in anxiety I become the scum that clouds breath.
I am not the scum, I am breath
I am life
I remain as breath
Breath
Breath
Breath
BREATHE!!

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About rebeccakarlendalmas

Desteni I Process Equal Life Foundation livingincome.me eqafe.com
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