The other day I was talking to someone when I noticed I was acting like I was in New York, directed, focused, busy etc. That was when I was in my twenties. I only noticed this persona, where I am more aggressive and ” the independent woman” because I was suddenly aware that the feel of what I was being was in contrast to my present environment. In the moment that I noticed this I thought about how the person I was with would not like this ( another issue) and how this is being what I thought i was supposed to be. I was this and was successful ( until I became pregnant….or so it appeared at the time to me) and felt happy. Why, where, when etc. does not matter. It was a persona based on a belief that this is how one moves oneself, that this is what one should be. I just stopped it.s
But at the same time I remember working in New York and seeing things that I thought were interesting. So, I have two views on the matter, as though the other view is my self watching what brought me to Desteni, what makes me agree with oneness in equality and the fact that we are moving as constructed mind systems.
I remember watching a movement through the work place. It appeared as though at all times, or in waves, one person was singled out by the collective to be criticized. I thought it was the strangest thing at the time. One day I realized that my turn would probably come. And it did. I just did not respond. (I think I wrote about this before) I never talked about these things because I was told I was imagining them. Which is true, ironically. I was seeing the imaging of the mind consciousness system as it played itself out. This happens in schools too.
I am walking two things, what lead me here and what hid me here, what hides me here.
I don’t have to watch or notice in one way anymore, I have to breath and forgive.
I have also realized that I am quite the opportunist! That is in my mind.
Ugh! And how revealing, how reveling within a hierarchy of more than and less than.
Anyway, I watch for my self as persona, and look to the past time when such personalities were developed.