After writing out my belief that I am an unlucky charm , my eye started to twitch- and has been doing so periodically all day. IN not recieving a response i desired a feeling rose from my chest and spread through me. A blanket of fear, which I do not want to exist as, because it is the “be” cause of how I see, of what is making my eye twitch!?
Like the other day when I was sitting on a bench and suddenly “saw” a substance/personality/persona/shield/construct ( don’t know what to call it- it is like a structure, a “film” , residue/picture/movie/vision/blind, in this instance a way of looking. This “way of looking” was tense, concentrated, focused to see in “a specific way”.
Now I look at how my fear effects what comes to me and affects my projection of my self as this “film”; film having two meanings; movie/image making and veil – as in veiled presence that is what I am.
These things are like beacons that is all I/one is able to see with.
I want to throw off the “clothes”, I want to throw off my “clothes” that is this “beacon”. I want to be a part of life, I want to be the “alive part of life” that I am, that I know is there.
I have to be careful to not become the energy of “wanting” .
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to move as my mind. I forgive myself that I have allowed my self to see only what the constructs of my mind have illuminated instead of listening from a point of silence in every moment as breath.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my mind as thoughts that always make judgements about what I have just said, written, looked at, interpreted, responded as /to, to be my awareness/presentation, instead of accepting and responding from silence, from non judgment.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to see with the mind, to be watching with the mind, instead of listening with my self.
I forgive myself that I have allowed my self to move as a beacon of a mind consciousness system, in separation of my self as life as all as one as equal.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to “veil” my self in fear. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to veil my self in a belief that I am something to fear. I forgive msyelf for alowing and accepting my self to veil my ability to listen to silence, the silence being what is supporting the “beacon”, the silence being the constant, the silence being myself.
I am here. I am life. I am all as one as equal. I am not the “beacon” in my head. I am not my emotions. I am not my thoughts. I am not the “film” persona through which I look at the world in separation from my self. I am breathing, I breath, I am breathe. I am not what pours from my chest. I am not the insidious thoughts that turn, like the beacon of a lighthouse within my mind. I am here.