I forget to breath, though I am better at remembering to do so. I forget to slow down, to stop.
I feel like I can’t get the man in my life to start to see what I am tryying to do with Desteni. All that seems to be happening is that he becomes more settled in his aging. For some reason I believe that if I can’t walk and speak about oneness in equality and forgiveness here where I live, and convince what is physically here than I have not managed to become the living word. ( I know this does not happen overnight).
With the members of my quartet I have managed to have an ongoing conversation. One wants the material to be organized in written form. He is too lazy to “walk” through the material. Another member actually responded and agreed to the process towards becoming breath as life as all as one as equal, where one accepts/takes in what is here in a moment and , as one exhales, one expresses, so that one may remain stable as one moves in energy as the physical ( so to speak). But I have managed to get others to this point of agreement, as an idea, meaning they will not apply forgiveness to actually realize this breath as enabling stability as self.
Meanwhile I have to remember to stay within the process about which I speak. I am so used to being anxious all the time. I am a nail biter. I also pace in restlessness. Too much time is spent in a fog of anxious restlessness. This is from waiting for the boys to grow up, paying the bills, making the dinner, watching the homework, feeling like I am supposed to be doing something, guilt if I am not developing my self in some way, pushing myself because this is what an educated American middle class back ground person is supposed to do.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to become lost in an anxious fog, to become restless and not know what task to complete first .
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to not re-member life as what I am here, instead of being my mind where I am scatalogical.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to forget to Stop, to slow down.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to allow the mind to control what I am here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize my will to slow down in breath in every moment
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to not stop and breath and realize that I am not giving up some energetic constructs because I have not found a way to convince those I am energetically involved with to do forgiveness, and I don’t want to lose them.
Therein is the problem: therein is the solution.
Today someone said the truth is always revealed in paradox. This was an answer to an explanation that the mind cannot grasp oneness in equality.
My paradox is my truth.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to remember to stop and breath, and no matter how tempting to forgive.
I am here, I am life, I stand as all as one as equal in remembering my breathe, and in remembering my breath I slow down, I stop.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to allow anxiousness and restlessness instead of remembering to apply my will and slow down and breath.
I forgive myself that I have allowed my self to become anxious instead of slowing down and breathing.
I forgive myself that I have allowed my self to go into my mind instead of willing my self to STOP AND BREATH, to SLOW DOWN and breath.
I forgive myself that I have allowed my self to become the mind and miss the paradox, to stand, in using my will, as “breath” whereby I SLOW DOWN and breath.